What If You Could See Differently What You Cannot Forgive Yourself For?
Sometimes, during our lives, we do something that we later judge very harshly.
With time, we may end up forgetting it. But sometimes the memory remains, carrying an immense sense of shame.
How could I have done that?
We can continue judging ourselves long after the event. What we did then takes up so much space that it damages the way we see ourselves and prevents us from recognising the person we have since become.
A woman came to see me to work on self-acceptance, her sense of inner safety and her ability to be present with herself.
During the session, muscle testing brought us back to a time in her youth.
At that age, she was under the influence of someone she believed she had to obey. She had agreed to do certain things that she still considered unacceptable many years later.
She had never been able to forgive herself.
Whenever she thought about the young woman she had been, all she could see was what she had done. She saw her fear, her obedience and everything she wished she had lived differently. She would have wanted to feel free. She would have wanted to be joyful. Instead, she had found herself caught in a situation in which she could no longer recognise herself.
Then I invited her to look at what happened next.
Because she was the one who had ended that relationship.
One day, despite her fear and the influence this person had over her, something within her had said: this has to stop.
She had found the strength to leave.
She had never looked at herself from that perspective.
For years, she had condemned the young woman who had obeyed without recognising the one who had eventually said no.
Yet it had taken great determination and courage to end that situation. That was what I found so powerful: she had been able to bring it to an end herself.
The age that had come up during the session was connected to an energetic disturbance. As we worked to rebalance it, something began to settle.
The past had not changed. But she could finally look at that young woman through different eyes.
It was as if she had abandoned her there all those years ago. She had preferred to forget her and never think about her again. The shame she felt for her was overwhelming. Whenever she did look back at her, it was with harshness almost looking down on her, as though that young woman deserved neither her own respect nor her own love, let alone anyone else’s.
At the end of our work, I invited her to bring this young woman back into her heart and to bring her home with her into the present.
She did so with great tenderness.
She could now welcome the whole of that young woman: her fear and vulnerability, but also the strength, determination and courage she had shown. These were resources she could reconnect with in her life today.
Perhaps this time in her life will come up again in another session. Perhaps other emotions and other parts of her story will still need to be heard. Each time, we go as far as the person is able to go, with whatever is ready to appear that day.
But at the end of this session, she was at peace with that emotion.
And the young woman she had left behind could finally come home.
Have you done something that casted the shadow of shame on you?
You forget what you did but you still criticise and judge yourself?
You don’t accept and love yourself but you don’t know why?
I would be honoured to accompany you on your journey to deeply connect and see yourself differently with love and compassion.
I offer in-person sessions in West Cork, Ireland, and online sessions worldwide.
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Muriel Laradi
Intuitive Kinesiologist • Healer • Spiritual Coach