What If You No Longer Accepted What Once Felt Normal?
She was very young when her mother left.
From then on, she had to take care of others. She had responsibilities that shouldn’t have been hers at that age, and very little space to simply have a life of her own.
She became used to doing things for other people, helping them, carrying them, responding to what they needed from her.
And when this starts very early, it can become much more than a habit.
It can become part of the way we find our value.
I matter because I am useful.
I have value because I help.
I have a place because others need me.
At the same time, she experienced situations within her family that were deeply abusive and damaging to her self-esteem.
What we experience as children can prepare the ground for the relationships and situations we encounter later in life.
When you have grown up being shown, through words or behaviours, that your needs don’t matter very much, that other people’s needs come first, or that your boundaries can be crossed, you don’t suddenly leave all of this behind when you become an adult.
You enter adult life with what you have learned about yourself.
And sometimes this means tolerating far too much.
This had been part of her story for many years. She continued to give a lot to others. People continued to ask a lot from her. And she also experienced other relationships in which she was badly treated.
Then, after our first session, something happened.
She met a man she already knew and didn’t particularly like. She didn’t find him kind or generous, and she recognised in his behaviour something she no longer wanted in her life.
He tried to engage with her.
This time, she didn’t accommodate him.
She didn’t try to be nice because that was expected of her. She didn’t make space for someone she didn’t want in her space. She told him very clearly that she wasn’t interested in having a relationship with him.
When she told me about it at our next session, she was proud of herself.
And she had every reason to be.
Because what may look from the outside like a simple conversation was, for her, much more than that.
She had listened to herself.
She had trusted what she felt about this man.
And instead of putting his wish to connect with her before her own feelings, she had chosen herself.
I warmly congratulated her ! These moments matter.
Every time we recognise that we have acted differently, every time we allow ourselves to see our own progress, something becomes a little more solid inside us.
She wasn’t simply learning to say no.
She was rediscovering the woman who had been there all along, underneath years of adapting, giving, carrying and putting others first.
A woman who can feel what is right for her, who can trust her own perception and decide who she wants in her life.
A woman who knows increasingly that her value doesn’t depend on what she does for other people.
And this is also why healing can change the relationships we encounter.
The world around her hasn’t suddenly changed. There will still be people who want to take too much, cross boundaries or use another person’s generosity.
But she is meeting them differently.
And when we no longer meet people from the same place inside ourselves, the same encounters don’t necessarily become the same relationships.
Sometimes, they simply stop at the door.
I would be honoured to accompany you on your journey to deeply connect and understand yourself.
I offer in-person sessions in West Cork, Ireland, and online sessions worldwide.
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Muriel Laradi
Intuitive Kinesiologist • Healer • Spiritual Coach