What If You No Longer Had to Be Always Available to Feel That You Belong?
She came to see me because she felt exhausted.
For years, she had been the person everyone in her family turned to whenever there was a problem.
She listened, supported, looked for solutions. Her sisters, her brother and her daughter knew they could count on her.
She was always there.
Always.
Her adult daughter was going through a difficult time and, once again, she had become deeply involved in helping her. She looked for solutions, anticipated difficulties and tried to protect her from some of the consequences.
During our work together, a sentence emerged:
“I can love her without carrying her.”
She took it in, surprised to feel that it was true both in her heart and in her mind.
When she came back a few weeks later, something had changed. Her expression was softer, her voice more assured.
“I feel so much better!”
She had said something she had never imagined saying to anyone, and even less to her daughter:
“It’s up to you to manage now. I’m not carrying you anymore. This isn’t against you. I’m doing this for me.”
The words felt so right to her that, despite her surprise, her daughter was able to hear them.
Then she told me about another, much more ordinary situation.
One of her sisters had asked her to go into town with her to deal with some paperwork.
Usually, she would have found a way to make herself available. This time, she already had something planned that mattered to her, and she replied:
“I can’t today. Maybe you could ask someone else.”
Very simple words, but for her, a real change.
She was beginning to discover that she could still have her place in other people’s lives without always being the one who helped, supported or found a solution.
During the session, our work brought us to the place she had occupied in her family for so long.
The one everyone could rely on
The one who found a solution.
The one who made herself available.
I wondered: underneath all of this, who was she? What were her own desires?
So I asked her:
“If you had more time and energy for yourself, what would you like to do with them?”
She was silent for a few seconds.
Then her expression changed.
“I would go back to studying.”
She smiled.
“I’ve always dreamed of studying herbal medicine.”
Her dream was still there. It had simply been waiting for her, behind all the more urgent things, the requests, the problems to solve, the people to support.
We continued working with this sense of freedom and the energy she could feel growing within her.
She could say yes or say no.
She could help when she genuinely wanted to and had the time.
She could also let someone else find their own solution.
And, finally, she could give time to something that deeply mattered to her.
Until then, being available to others had largely shaped the place she occupied within her family.
Now, another way of being in relationship with them was beginning to emerge.
Her dreams had a place in her life too.
Are you the person who is always there for others, putting them before yourself?
Do you always carry problems that aren’t yours to solve? Do you neglect your own dreams in favour of fulfilling the goals and needs of your family?
I would be honoured to accompany you on your journey to deeply reconnect with yourself — with love and care, giving yourself the time and space to fully enjoy your own life.
I offer in-person sessions in West Cork, Ireland, and online sessions worldwide.
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Muriel Laradi
Intuitive Kinesiologist • Healer • Spiritual Coach